Dr J's strategies for finding peace in the midst of strife.
We are living in an age of unprecedented stress. The COVID-19 coronavirus pandemic has forced many societies to go on lockdown mode, and as such the lives of many people have been affected in different ways.
Financially, the global economy has been hit. Many industries have taken a tumble, especially those that are related to travel and tourism. As such, the livelihoods of multiple people have been affected, putting some in a stage of financial stress as they worry about how to pay off their loans or mortgages.
Socially, the idea of social distancing and staying home has been enforced even more these days. The virus is highly contagious and can be spread via the exhalation of droplets from an infected person’s respiratory system, so it would be more prudent to stay further apart from each other, and to practise isolation if need be. That can generate quite a fair bit of emotional and social stress.
Relationships are affected too. The social isolation and “the distance tends to expose the flaws of one or both partners during the ‘honeymoon’ period” too. There is also a form of relationship stress here.
With all these factors hitting certain people hard, it’s easy to go out of whack psychologically. The advent of distractions such as smartphones, tablets, computers and television screens don’t help too — working from home on one’s computer and being engaged in Zoom calls can be extremely draining as well. Mindlessly binge watching a Netflix series, drinking alcohol or consuming carbohydrate-rich comfort foods cannot deal with the internal imbalance that one is facing — in fact, it can sometimes worsen the issue further.
And when one is in such a state, Bobby McFerrin’s “Don’t Worry, Be Happy” song seems to have absolutely no meaning to us. We cannot help but worry, and we cannot help being unhappy. Channelling Bob Marley’s “Everything’s Gonna Be Alright” also feels that empty.
Because if all these problems start to detract me from kicking all the goals that I’m aiming to kick in my life — then how can I get myself to where I see myself being in the next 50 years? How do I even get to work on things productively if I’m continually stuck in a rut?
It is common for us to experience peaks and troughs in our life. We want to maintain the peaks for as long as possible and minimise the troughs as much as possible. But being continually stuck in that trough is bad.
Remembering my wins in life
It is easy to slip into the mindset of discouragement when everything seems to be going against me. However, what was I doing when everything was going well for me? Did I take time out to celebrate the wins? I sometimes fail to do so myself.
Life is a constant battle. It is a grind. We win some, we lose some. If we were winning all the time, it would become too boring. If we were losing all the time, we’d get devastated too easily.
The challenge is to dig in deep and to remember what I did during the winning periods, and cultivate that mindset change from within.
As a Christian, I do draw some influence from the life of Job on this matter. After Job was afflicted with ten thousand curses (or even more) in Job 1, Job 2:9–10 says that:
His wife said to him, “Are you still maintaining your integrity? Curse God and die!” He replied, “You are talking like a foolish woman. Shall we accept good from God, and not trouble?”
“Shall we accept good from God, and not trouble?” That’s a big question I do continuously ask myself in discouraging times. Was life meant to be perfect? No. What, then, can I learn out of these issues that are hitting me? What did I do right in my winning times? Can I lean on that to get me through the lean times?
I would also draw on 2 Corinthians 4:17 in this situation:
For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.
Because every thing thrown at me is a challenge, which I will channel back to the idea of “what does God intend for me in this period, and how can I come out stronger?
It is said that “when life gives you lemons, make lemonade out of it.” My bigger challenge would be: can I sell that lemonade for a nice cool profit, even?
Not engaging too much in potentially destructive behaviour.
When my city was in lockdown mode, there were many social activities that were banned by the government. No walks in open spaces. No leisure activities. Stay home. I was fortunate to have a private space that I could conduct my own home-based High Intensity Interval Training (HIIT) exercise sessions, which are beneficial stress busters. In fact, it is said here: “the more intense the workout, the greater the stress-busting benefits.”
It is easy to spiral down the path of destruction by doing the brainless and destructive things un-intentionally, whereas intentionally doing the right things requires much more effort just to maintain a consistent execution effort.
Sure, one may indulge in the bad stuff every once in a while — that’s what cheat days are for. But when the bad stuff becomes a consistent habit that one executes subconsciously, then… it ain’t too good for one in general!
Talk it out with trusted people
Sometimes we tend to bottle up all these unhealthy thoughts and feelings inside of us, because we are afraid of appearing too negative to others.
Unfortunately, if I don’t tell you what is racing through my thoughts and my emotions, then it’s not even easy for you to figure out or intuit that I have a massively big problem in my head. I do have to talk it out. Life was never meant to be a one man operation. We were built to be social beings in a community, and very few people can actually survive on their own as hermits.
Communication is key. It helps to develop trust and relationships. More importantly, too, communicating with the right people can help me to see the blind spots in my analysis. What was once depressing can potentially be cleared by the sight of trusted peers who can see what I don’t see!
Sleeping is key
It is said here that:
More than half (51%) of adults worldwide report they get less sleep than they need on an average night, and 80 percent of adults say they are using weekend days to make up for sleep lost during the week, according to Princess Cruises’ ninth annual Relaxation Report.
Unfortunately, sleep may elude the stressed people:
Stress often impacts on sleep quality and duration. Stress and a lack of sleep can both have a severe impact on physical and mental health.
Trying to get adequate quality sleep each night is a challenge in today’s fast-paced society, but sleeping is key. I do try to get everything wound down by 11.30pm each night so that I can collapse and wake up at 7.30am the next morning, and that has helped with my stress levels as well.
I am mindful that…
All these things are easier said than done.
We can retain all these as head knowledge — but translating that into executionable steps? That’s not so easily done now, is it?
Consistency in execution is key. We want to build systems that can run without much intervention. All for the sake of our sanity!
And that's the most difficult part of it!